My Pitch: Replacing MAMMA MIA! - Z Factor

My Pitch:

Replacing Mamma Mia!

By Z Factor

Hello, ladies and jenklefins! Welcome once again to another My Pitch essay.

I am going to pitch to you an ABBA musical because of Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again has hit theaters recently. That movie is a sequel to Mamma Mia, and I am going to pitch an ABBA musical to replace it. Your job is to decide whether or not you like my idea, or the movie we got which has just launched their sequel. Here we go again....

Hopefully this all makes sense.....

Many of you youngsters in the audience may be thinking “Uh...wha? What's ABBA? A musical? Blah!” So, let me give you a little bit of background information.

ABBA was a Swedish pop music band formed in the 70's, and their band name ABBA, derives from the first letter from each of the band member's names: Agnetha, Bjorn, Benny, and Anni-Frid. They become incredibly successful and famous during the 70's and 80's, not just in Sweden, but also in America as well. Some of their most famous songs are “Dancing Queen,” “Money, Money, Money” and of course, “Mamma Mia,” as well as many more. Most of their greatest songs are in the album that I grew up with and love called Abba Gold: Greatest Hits.

So that's the band ABBA, now what is the movie Mamma Mia!? It is a movie titled after ABBA's famous song of the same name and was released in 2008, and is actually based on the 1999 musical with the same name. It stars Oscar-award winning actress Meryl Streep (I tend to think of her as a devil who wears prada). 

There's also James Bond, (Pierce Brosnan).

Also Mr. Darcy (Colin Firth) is in this movie. 

There's some other actors in there too, I suppose, like that evil lady from Harry Potter with the pink outfit.

This movie was big when it came out, being the fifth highest grossing film of that year, earning $615 million dollars and only having a budget of $52 million. No wonder there's a sequel! But, if you haven't seen this movie, you're probably wondering what it's about. Or not, you could find this incredibly boring. In that case, I am afraid you're going to be bored even more, because of the plot I am about to describe to you.

Mamma Mia! is about a twenty-year old young woman named Sophie who's figured out that her mother had one crazy summer. Her mother, Donna, had a fling with three guys and doesn't know which one of them is Sophie's father. Sophie is getting married, and so she secretly invited those three men to figure out which of them is her father, and she didn't tell Donna.

Donna eventually finds out, and Sophie tries to test which of the three guys is her dad so he can walk her down the aisle. But there's one man in particular that Donna actually still loves, and there's drama with that. It's then revealed that the father is...we don't know, and none of them care anymore. And Sophie doesn't get married, instead Donna and James Bond do. Also, fun fact, James Bond can't sing.

The film shoehorns-in famous Abba songs that don't really further the plot or make sense to the story. Here's a list of all the Abba songs in the movie:

“I Have a Dream”

“Money, Money, Money”

“Mamma Mia”

“Chiquita”

“Dancing Queen”

“Lay All Your Love on Me”

“Super Trouper”

“Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, (A Man After Midnight)”

“Voulez-Vou”

“The Name of the Game”

“SOS”

“Does Your Mother Know?”

“The Winner Takes it All”

“Take a Chance on Me”

“Waterloo”

and...

“Thank You for the Music”

This is not even mentioning all the songs they ADDED for the movie. In total, the movie has 24 songs, 16 of those were original ABBA songs.

To summarize, Mamma Mia's run-time of 109 minutes consists of a thin shoe-string of a plot trying to link together a mish-mash assembly of classic ABBA music and a few songs tailored specifically to the lame plot, full of dull characters attempted to be made interesting by use of famous actors and actresses. Needless to say, there is a lot I could nit-pick and critique over this movie. However, this isn't an evaluation of Mamma Mia. This is My Pitch for a replacement of that movie. This is my version of what an ABBA musical should be.

The title for my version is not Mamma Mia!. “Mamma Mia” is a great ABBA song but a dumb title for a movie, in my opinion. So what is it called? I don't know. I honestly don't have a title for this ABBA movie. Maybe you can give me ideas in the comments below.

All I do know is that the movie will NOT be named after a song in the movie, because all of ABBA's music is awesome, and not a single song will be the crux of the plot. Instead, all the music pushes and furthers the plot and characters. I intend to use every song from the Gold Album, not making any more songs, though I will adjust and change a few lyrics in specific songs.

So, what is my version of the movie about? Since I actually listened to the lyrics of the songs, I have a very clear picture of what a story would look like based upon the songs in the Golden Album.

With that, here is my pitch...

Black fades to reveal the back of an outdoor concert, people in the distance clapping, shouting and cheering as music plays, guitar and drumming. Then, a young man around twenty years old storms out. He tries to get to his truck, dressed like a rock-and-roll star. A young girl around seventeen is chasing him from behind, grabbing his arms and trying to kiss him. All the while, the music gets louder till the young man begins to sing, “Does Your Mother Know?” After the song, he drives away in his truck, leaving the young girl alone in the ally, wanting to cry.

The camera pans upwards into the starry night sky, and letters fade in saying “Ten years later.” The camera slowly pans back downwards upon a busy city while it starts to rain. The city noises of cars, people, machines and rain all begin to play the melody of “I Have a Dream” as the camera falls upon that same young woman, now an adult, running through the rain with an umbrella, trying to get a taxi. She gets into the taxi as an angelic voice is singing “I Have a Dream.” The woman arrives to a huge opera house, where another woman is waiting. The two women, who are friends, hug quickly and dash inside. The music gets louder as they enter the theater, find seats, and face the woman singing as the song finally ends. The two friends wave and smile at the woman on stage, who smiles back at them. The curtain drops.

The woman on stage is quickly congratulated by the other performers and her agent, who reminds her of another show the scheduled that weekend. The woman's name is Cassandra. Cassandra then finds her way out, when paparazzi and fans crowd her. She manages to get to her friends, Daphne (the one who began the movie as a teenager) and the other, Helen.

These are our three main characters: Daphne has the look of a very naive, innocent and childish girl, though in her late twenties; she's immature and loves attention. Helen is more of a rebel, with short black heart and a cold heart. Her comments are snared with brutal sarcasm, quick whit, and a chill icy tone in her voice. Cassandra has long flowing hair, beautiful as well as incredibly charming, intelligent, and motherly towards her two friends.

The three friends head to a club. Daphne and Helen congratulate Cassandra on her performance and recent engagement to Anthony. Cassandra doesn't want to talk about herself and asks how her friends are doing. Daphne is miserable because she keeps dreaming about her old high-school sweetheart bad-boy-rock-star boyfriend, Andy. She said that she had a dream about him the other night, and how they parted ways bitterly. Helen says all Daphne needs is a man, meanwhile Helen herself just wants money. “Money, Money, Money” is sung by Helen. Cassandra is picked up by her fiance Anthony, and Helen leaves with a random guy, and Daphne is left alone. On her way to her apartment, she sings “Gimme, Gimme, Gimme” is her loneliness.

At the end of the song, it quickly cuts to morning and Daphne is rudely awakened by her alarm clock. She gets up, ready for her day, but needs to get some coffee on her way to work. While getting coffee, she spots...HIM! Aged ten years, but still it's Andy. Daphne sings “Mamma Mia” as she stalks Andy around town until accidentally being confronted with him. Andy remembers Daphne and they exchange numbers. Andy goes to work and Daphne can't believe what's happened, and assumes they're in love.

Meanwhile, Cassandra is getting ready for another concert when she gets Daphne's call, and is a bit annoyed. She sings “Super Trouper” as she and Anthony go to another concert. Cassandra seems to think there's something off about Anthony, but goes to her performance. The song “Super Trouper” ends when the curtain rises for Cassandra as she faces the crowd.

It then cuts to Helen and Daphne shopping together and talking about Andy. Daphne then reveals that Andy's real name is Fernando, but he hates being called that. Helen finds it absolutely hilarious and talks about the guy she met recently, Leo. Helen encourages Daphne to take a chance with Andy. Taking Helen's advice, Daphne sings “Take a Chance on Me” as a montage ensues with Daphne pursuing, stalking, calling and texting Andy over the course of days, and he gets progressively more annoyed and avoids her.

Daphne begins to lose hope and is miserable, consulting once again Cassandra and Helen at a club. Cassandra, who seems a bit down and upset herself, again tells Daphne to leave Andy alone. Helen on the other hand encourages Daphne, singing “Dancing Queen” to her. Reminding Daphne that she is fabulous. Cassandra, upset with her two friends, walks off. Helen and Daphne don't understand why Cassandra is so upset and continue. Helen notices Leo and sings “Voulez-vou” once again leaving Daphne alone for the night.

Cassandra gets home upset and irritated with Daphne for stalking Andy and Helen for dating older rich men yet hangs around this Leo fellow. She murmurs to herself and notices Anthony. She wants to talk to him but he's totally disinterested, focused only on his work. Here begins “S.O.S” as a montage follows of them going about their daily lives and routine, growing further and further apart. She feels like she's drowning and he doesn't care.

After the song, it cuts to Helen who has her own interesting set of problems, dating older dudes with money and yet consistently seeing this handsome young man Leo, who seems genuinely interested in her though Helen is rather cold-hearted and insincere. She sings “Name of the Game” as she is unsure with her feelings. She worries she might actually like him, which is unusual for her. She wants to know what to do.

Cut back again to Cassandra who catches Anthony with another woman. Angrily, she confronts Anthony singing “The Winner Takes it All.” She angrily leaves, throwing down her engagement ring. Heartbroken, Cassandra isn't answering any of her friends texts or calls.

While Helen is in the middle of texting Cassandra when she sees Leo, she makes up her mind, leaving the old dude she was having a date with, in pursuit of Leo, and they sing a duet of “Lay All Your Love on Me.”

After the big musical number, it cuts back again to Cassandra as Anthony is moving out. Together singing “Knowing Me, Knowing You.” It is a heartbreaking song, for it seems Anthony is genuinely upset about the break-up as well. Cassandra has missed several calls from her friends and isn't answering texts, which makes Daphne concerned.

In her concern, Daphne finds Helen as they sing “One of Us.” The lyrics for which are slightly adjusted to suit the scene. Daphne and Helen find Cassandra in her music studio, all three of them singing in tears, “Chiquita.” Cassandra is heartbroken over Anthony, Daphne realizes Andy will never like her, and Helen is actually in a real relationship for the first time.

After their heart-to-heart, Daphne goes to Andy's apartment one last time and sings “Fernando” the lyrics slightly adjusting for this scene. She essentially tells him that they've had good times together in the past, but it's in the past, and she'll leave him alone now, friends at best. After parting ways, Andy is a bit confused over what just happened. He scratches his head and wonders what happened to that crazy girl he once knew.

Cassandra prepares herself for a performance, peeking through a curtain at the audience. She smiles, seeing Helen happy with Leo and Daphne content with herself. Cassandra still can't help the sad look in her eyes. The orchestra starts to play the melody of her song, “I Have a Dream.” Just as she's about to go on stage and sing, someone else comes onto the stage singing that song. The curtain raises and Cassandra's jaw drops. It's Anthony! Singing and kneeling down, begging for forgiveness from Cassandra. At the end of the song, they hug and kiss, as Anthony tries to explain the situation. It was his cousin, not an affair, and he only left because he thought she didn't love him anymore. He wanted to try and make things right. Cassandra forgives him.Helen and Daphne shout for joy and everyone claps. It's a very happy occasion.

It quickly cuts to their re-engagement party, talking about how wonderful everything is. Except, Daphne doesn't have a special someone, but she's finally okay with that and willing to wait for the right one to appear. Cassandra winks at Daphne, saying she invited an old friend. Suddenly, bursting into the room with his old guitar, is Andy. He sings “Waterloo” to her, asking for her to like him again. Daphne smiles and shakes her head. She's not going to fall for this so easily. Then, in one last grand musical number, during the credits, everyone sings “Thank You for the Music.”

Ta-da! I have just pitched you a movie using all of the ABBA Gold Album songs and it's coherent! There is a LOT more I could talk about this movie idea, like how all of the six main characters names have hidden meanings and allusions, what the color scheme and tone of the movie would be, and so much more. But I think you get the general idea of what this movie would be like.

So now it is up to YOU to tell me which movie you want to see, Mamma Mia! or my pitch. Or, do you have another idea for an ABBA movie? Let me know in the comments below! Adieu!

- Z Factor